Funny quotes is one of media that
can make someone smile and laugh. Funny quote is usually
slipped joke in words that make someone laugh when reading it. No wonder if
sometimes someone who was distressed because of certain problems choose to look
for a funny quote to make his thoughts became more relax and they can more
enjoy living his life. Here you can find a list of funny quotes that you can
make your inspiration, so that when you are
in trouble you can be relax to overcome these problems . So, if you need to make your mind be fresh let’s check
some funny quotes that exist here.
List of Funny Quotes
“I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write
it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.” ― Jarod
Kintz, I Want
“Always
and never are two words you should always remember never to use.” -- Wendell Johnson
“A
woman is like a tea bag - you never know how strong she is until she gets in
hot water.”-- Eleanor Roosevelt
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in
Europe." — Jackie Mason
"My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a
doctor." — Elayne Boosler
“Advice
is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.”
-- Erica Jong
“I can tell if two people are in love by how they
hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.” ― Jarod
Kintz, This Book
is Not for Sale
“Having
a baby changes the way you view your in-laws. I love it when they come to visit
now. They can hold the baby and I can go out.”
-- Matthew Broderick
“Beauty
isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a
fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.”
-- Garrison Keillor
"Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand." — Unknown
“A
fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.”
-- Winston Churchill
“Always
remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”
-- Margaret Mead
“Buy
land. They've stopped making it.”
-- Mark Twain
"My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean
clothes every morning." — Ray Romano
“Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no
difference, if you made no difference in the world.”
― Jarod
Kintz, Great
Listener Series Mute Women
“Experts
say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When
you're feeling festive?” -- Roseanne Barr
“Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be
the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force
the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when
she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the
head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.”
― Lili St.
Crow
“Always
forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.”
-- Oscar Wilde
"There are only three things women need in
life: food, water, and compliments." — Chris Rock
“He who laughs last
probably didn't get the joke”.
-- Author Unknown
“Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t
make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.”
― Jarod
Kintz, This Book
is Not for Sale
"Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered
the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings." — David Sedaris
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." —
Billy Crystal
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's
afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have
to remember it.
-- George Burns
“What does it mean to be the best? It means you have
to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that?
He's a loser—that’s why he's number two.”
― Jarod
Kintz, This Book
is Not for Sale
"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting
better taste in them." — Bill Maher
"I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was
healthy right up to the time he killed himself." — Johnny Carson
"I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early." —
Jack Benny
"Women love a self-confident bald man." — Larry David
“Experience
is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.”
-- Oscar Wilde
For some strange reason, no matter where I go,
the place is always called "here".
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
"Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his
eyesight." — Phyllis Diller
"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live
with a car battery." — Erma Bombeck
That some collection of funny quotes that can be things that can help you to make the mood became more calm and carefree. Here also there are some collections of funny quote pictures that you can download here. Let's see the collection..
List of Funny Quotes Pictures
That all collections of funny quotes in the form of sentences and image, hopefully with the collection of funny quotes that you can forget your problems, and you can smile happily
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